I Was a Sugar Addict (a very personal story I'm sharing for the first time)
It wasn’t that long ago that I had a secret.
During the day, I ate “good” and “clean”.
Especially in front of other people...
And then while my kids and partner were sleeping...
I’d sneak into the kitchen to hunt for sugar.
I was searching in a panic for chocolate.
I knew it was somewhere in the dark recesses of the cabinets --even though I had not allowed myself to buy chocolate for several months.
My kids usually had something hiding in the cabinets that I could devour.
I had a method for minimizing the risk of getting caught while bingeing.
[Note: hiding while eating can be a sign that you have a food problem beyond your control.
I’d turn on the faucet, full force…
...pretending to be cleaning something in the kitchen sink.
The white noise would allow me to mask the sound of the squeaking cabinets or rustling packages.
I’d occasionally turn the water off when I thought I had enough chocolate.
Typically, less 30 seconds later, I would turn the water back on and go back into the cabinets for more.
Most nights I would be washing down the chocolate with a few glasses of red wine...
It was literally an intoxicating combination.
One time I couldn't find any chocolate but I was so desperate that I resorted to eating a package of Baker's Chocolate.
It tasted really gross. So bitter.
But...
I was desperate.
For my fix.
I ate it anyway...
My Addiction to Sugar Started a Long Time Ago
I think it started back in middle school.
I was an awkward kid and painfully shy.
I didn’t have anyone to sit with at lunch.
I’d use all my lunch money too quickly buy 3 or 4 jumbo brownies or huge peanut butter cookies from the cafeteria and go find a corner in the school study hall where I could have my sugar-filled meal alone.
The sweetness was intense enough to override my loneliness and sadness.
I learned that sugar helped me to feel better...temporarily.
Instead of dreading loneliness at lunchtime, the sweet treats made me look forward to it.
They kind of made it all feel more fun.
Of course, I didn't realize it at the time, but my brain and body were beginning to rely on sugar as an emotional escape plan whenever I felt bad.
This sugar-laden escape plan helped me override emotional pain again and again throughout my life:
• In high school after a sexual assault on the one date I had with a boy I felt was too popular to go out with me
• In college after I had the courage to break up with a narcissistic boyfriend who turned so many of our mutual friends against me
• As a young mother -- dealing with postpartum depression alone
• After my divorce when my beloved community of friends and neighbors shunned me because I came out as gay at age 41
I realize in all these cases I felt invisible, alone, unworthy.
Just like I did back in middle school.
But sugar...sugar was there for me.
In one form or another.
It was the only thing I could count on to temporarily numb the pain.
The Truth About Sugar Addiction:
Now…I want to be honest with you.
The research on whether sugar is truly addictive is conflicting.
Some researchers say it is not. While others say it is. (see links to studies if you want to read some research in the P.P.S. section below)
My personal view is if it feels like an addiction, and it is helpful to name it as one - then do it!
The success of Alcoholics Anonymous begins with step 1: “we admitted we were powerless over alcohol --- that our lives had become unmanageable”.
So if you feel powerless over sugar (or whatever food that is driving you crazy),
AND it is making your life unmanageable in any way...
Let’s call it an addiction, especially if you feel like it's going to help you get to a solution.
I know that is what helped me begin to break free from using sugar to numb my pain.
3 Steps To Take To Overcome Food Addiction
The first step is to name it: "I feel addicted to ____________."
The second step is to decide that you want a life free from feeling like any kind of food makes you lose control.
And, (this is the really important part) decide that you DESERVE to have a better life where you have freedom from anything that tries to control you.
Note: unlike alcohol which requires total abstinence to be able to manage it, most people I work with CAN LEARN to eat sugar or any type of food they formerly felt addicted to, WITHOUT losing control. This way you don't have to say goodbye to any kind of food. You can still eat all the different kinds of food that you want to eat.
The 3rd step is to get support. It is extremely rare for anyone to overcome food addiction alone.
Like one of my clients recently shared with me: “I’ve been trying to do this by myself for years. My food addiction and my suffering only got worse. Now that I have your help, and I have not binged on ice cream in 3 weeks, I regret I didn’t do this sooner.”
The good news is you can change your relationship with sugar or any other food that controls you as soon you decide you want and deserve freedom from it.
Cheers To More Energy, Confidence & Freedom,
XO - Kaylee
P.S. If you feel like you struggle with food addiction, your next step is to apply for a complimentary emotional eating breakthrough session with me click HERE. We will spend an hour together and I'll give you the next steps of overcoming your addiction.
P.S.S. Feeling nerdy and want to see the research for yourself? There are so many articles out there! Here is one where the researchers believe that sugar is an addictive substance. Here is one where the researchers state that sugar is NOT addictive. What do you think?